Invisible Load of Motherhood
Let’s talk about something no one warned you about before you became a mom—the invisible mental load. It’s that constant, unspoken weight you carry every single day, and it’s exhausting.
You probably don’t even realize you’re carrying it until you’re in the middle of it. It’s the 47 little things you juggle in your brain all day long:
“When’s the pediatrician appointment again?”
“Did I respond to that email or text?”
“Do we need more diapers? Are we running out of wipes?”
“When was the last time I ate?”
“Wait, what am I doing for dinner tonight?”
And then, in the quiet moments, you think, I’m just so tired. But it’s not just the physical exhaustion. It’s mental, emotional, and sometimes, spiritual too. The mental load is heavy, and it can feel never-ending.
Why Moms Carry So Much
Here’s the thing: moms are expected to do it all—and if we’re being honest, society has set that standard. Whether it’s remembering everything for the baby, keeping track of your partner’s schedule, handling bills, or trying to find time to take care of yourself, it’s so much to hold.
And even if you have a supportive partner, friend, or family member, the truth is, a lot of this emotional and mental work is still “expected” to fall on the mom. If you’ve been the responsible one in your family or the “fixer,” it may feel like carrying this load is just another part of the job description.
It’s like you’re always on. There’s no break. No “clocking out.” And if you’re someone who had to grow up faster or take on too much as a kid, you might find this load especially familiar. It feels like you’ve always been the one managing everything—except now, it’s not just your own life. It’s someone else’s too. And that’s heavy.
The Emotional Toll
That invisible load? It weighs more than you think. It shows up as:
A constant sense of overwhelm that you can’t shake
Guilt for needing a break when everyone else “seems fine”
Anxiety about whether you’re doing enough or making the right choices
And sometimes, straight-up frustration or resentment that you’re the only one who seems to notice all the tiny things that need to be done
And the worst part? It can make you feel like you’re the problem. Like you’re just not good enough if you can’t keep up. That’s a lie. This load is not yours to carry alone. But it’s hard to see that when you’re buried in it.
What Can You Do About It?
Okay, so here’s the thing: you don’t have to keep carrying everything by yourself. You can start to lighten the load, little by little. It won’t happen overnight, but with some self-awareness and support, it’s possible.
First off, name it. Recognizing what you’re carrying is the first step. Sit down and make a list of everything that’s floating around in your head—appointments, to-do’s, things you’re stressing about. I’m willing to bet you’ll be surprised by how much you’re actually doing. And I’m also betting that it feels like more than anyone should have to handle at once. That’s because it is.
Next, start asking for help. Seriously. Don’t just drop hints—say exactly what you need. “Hey, I need you to take over bath time tonight.” Or, “Can you take the baby for 30 minutes so I can shower without feeling guilty?” It’s okay to be specific. And you don’t have to feel bad about it either. You’re allowed to need space.
Another thing: simplify where you can. Does every meal need to be a gourmet production? Can you do a meal plan for the week and repeat a few dinners? (Because, let’s be real, no one is going to judge you for serving spaghetti three times a week.) Outsource where possible—can you order groceries online? Can you delegate some household tasks? Ask for help in ways that take a little bit of that load off.
And lastly, check in with yourself. Every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes, ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Not, “What does the baby need? What does my partner need?” But you. Do you need a 5-minute break? A nap? A quiet walk around the block? Whatever it is, try to carve out time for yourself, even if it’s short.
You’re Not Meant to Do This Alone
It’s time to let go of the myth that you’re supposed to handle everything on your own. You can’t. No one can. The mental load of motherhood wasn’t meant for one person to carry, and you don’t have to keep bearing it in silence.
If you feel like you’re drowning in it, that’s okay. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to reach out for help. At Cozy Haven Counseling, I work with moms who are navigating this invisible load and the pressure that comes with it. We’ll unpack it together, and I’ll help you find ways to feel seen, heard, and supported.
You deserve peace. You deserve rest. You don’t have to hold it all on your own anymore.
Let’s take this journey together! Check out therapy for postpartum and book a free 15 minute consultation with me.
Jasmine Frazier, LMSW